


Games Children Play

by PrettySlutBoys



Category: Actor RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Closeted Character, Coming Untouched, First Time, Homophobic Language, Lung Cancer, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Underage, Minor Character Death, Poor Use of Math Theories, Racial slurs, Retelling of a Movie, SPN Cinema 2017, SPN Cinema Genre Challenge, Top Jensen, abusive behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 02:06:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12807255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettySlutBoys/pseuds/PrettySlutBoys
Summary: It’s a weird game of dares that Jared and Jensen start as children. It’s outrageous and amazing, reckless and stupid and nobody finds it funny but Jared and Jensen. They keep playing it through losses and pain, through growing up and self discoveries until they have nothing else to put on the line but their own hearts. Will they dare take the final step?





	Games Children Play

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [SPN Cinema Round 8](https://spn-cinema.livejournal.com). It was my first time writing for a challenge and I want to thank the mods for being so awesome and for organizing this fun event. I had a great time doing this. 
> 
> This story is a retelling of a French movie from 2003 called Love Me If You Dare. I watched it a couple of years ago and loved the concept so much that i couldn’t help J2ing it in my head. If by the end of my fic you’ll end up thinking that my Jared and Jensen are crazy, keep in mind that the movie characters are way way more nuts! Lol! But you don’t need to have watched the film for the story to make sense.
> 
> I’d like to thank my superhero beta [Theatregirl7299](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatregirl7299) who encouraged me, held my hand and did an amazing job at making this story readable and put up with my extremely poor use of commas in the English language. Love you, M.! (I have tinkered with the text after my beta looked it over so all remaining mistakes are my own.)
> 
> This story is dedicated to my special friend Li. Without her I never would have managed to go through with everything that’s going on in my life and there would be no stories to read. I am forever grateful I’ve found you, babe. 
> 
> And also a big shout out to all my cheering girls on Twitter - [whispered_story](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story) for her constant help and guidance, [Dancing_Adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift), for all the “Go You”s and “You’ve Got This”s, [SleepyPercy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepypercy) for her constant encouragement and enthusiasm and everybody who pushed me one way or another to make this happen. I am thankful for each and every one of you guys!

 

_To win this game you need a pretty box, a pretty friend and to hell with the rest_

 

It had all started with a round tin box that once upon a time held colorfully wrapped chocolates.

Now it was empty, but when Jensen’s mama had given it to him, the day she couldn’t stop hiding her severe bouts of coughing anymore and had to stop going to work, she’d told him it was a treasure. Jensen sat perched on the side of her bed turning the round box in his hands. It had pretty horses painted all around it and the red and white striped lid looked like the top of a circus tent. It was a merry-go-round, his mama had explained and, at 8 years old, Jensen looked at her quizzically. He’d never seen a merry-go-round, but he supposed the fact that they were so rare made the box so valuable.

When his father had dragged him away from his mamma’s bed and told him to take the bus to school that day because his father had to wait for the doctor who was coming to see her, Jensen had wanted to give her back her treasure. She’d returned the colorful box into his little hands and smiled, her paper white skin coloring faintly. “You are my biggest treasure, Jen-Jen.”

***

It was bad. Jensen knew it in his heart even though his mamma was the same cheerful spirit she had always been; telling him about flying saucers, listening to his school adventures and reading him _Alice in Wonderland_ for bedtime. She was smiling whenever he was in the room, but Jensen couldn’t help feeling that some kind of pain made her loving looks towards him feel like sadness and longing.

Hidden behind the door, he’d heard the doctor say a word he’d never heard before - metastasis. It was a grown up word and he hated it because it made his mamma cry. He thought doctors sucked. Their words sucked. Their tools and the all-knowing air about them sucked. They knew nothing about mamas.

He’d tried asking his father about it but Mr. Ackles had only looked at him like he was mad about something and told him to go to school already and stop making so much noise. His dad was always mad about something these days.

***

“Dirty Polak! Dirty, dirty Polak!” Jensen heard the kids chanting in the school yard, gathered around… something or someone, he couldn’t really tell from the distance. He only saw a bright red backpack opened on the ground, its contents scattered all around in the mud. As he got closer, he could see a boy crouched in the grass, tears running down his dirt-streaked face, unruly bangs covering his forehead.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” Jensen shouted as he found himself face to face with Randy who smirked and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why? Is he your boyfriend? Are you a dirty fag too?”, Randy said with a sneer and Jensen took a step back, confused.

He didn’t have time to try and find an answer though because Miss Chandler’s voice rang out over the yard, effectively breaking up the little group gathered around the new boy. As the teacher told everybody to get to the bus stop, Jensen bent down to help the kid gather up his things. He caught his eye and received the sunniest smile he’d ever seen in his life, complete with a set of dimples and Jensen wondered why those bullies kept calling the boy dirty. Well, except for the mud streaks on his face.

“Hi! I’m Jensen”, he said and held out his right hand, only to realize that he was clutching the tin box that rarely left his side. The boy took the box and said “Jared. Thanks for saving me. What’s this?”

“It’s a treasure. But you can hold onto it if you like,” he added quickly, when he saw Jared frown and hold out his hand to return it. The sunny smile was back and Jensen felt an inexplicable desire to keep that smile on Jared’s face always.

“What’s a dirty Polak?” he asked as he put the last of Jared’s books in the backpack and zipped it up.

“I guess that’s me,” said Jared, his eyes downcast, shame coloring his features. At the look of confusion on Jensen’s face he added “My family’s from Poland. We just moved here.”

“Oh. Okay. Cool. I’ve never had a Polak friend,” Jensen smiled, trying to bring back the joy on Jared’s face.

Jared sniggered. “Polish.”

“What?”

“A Polish friend.”

“That’s what I said!”

Jensen thought Polak people were a bit weird but he liked Jared.

“Ok, but why did Randy think I was Polak too? I’ve lived here my whole life and he knows that,” Jensen asked when Jared threw his bag over one shoulder and they started walking towards the bus stop.

“Huh?” Jared looked at him sideways.

“He asked me if I was a dirty fag too,” Jensen explained.

Jared stopped and eyed him with suspicion. When Jensen didn’t laugh, just kept looking at him expectantly, he said really quietly “A fag is not the same thing as a Polak.”

Jensen was even more confused now because Jared had turned red to the tips of his ears and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Then what is it?” he asked, feeling like going into some forbidden territory.

Jared raised his eyes and surveyed Jensen’s face again. He looked down at the tin box in his hands, seeming to think really hard about something and then back at Jensen with a mischievous grin.

“I think you should ask Miss Chandler that, tomorrow, in class,” he said finally.

“What?” Jensen sputtered. “Is it a bad word? Are you trying to get me in trouble?”

As a feeling of dread and anticipation took over him Jensen couldn’t help but think that even if Jared _was_ trying to get him in trouble he’d do whatever his new friend asked of him.

“You’ll never know until you ask,” Jared said and gave the box back to Jensen. “Are you game or not?”

***

The next afternoon found Jared and Jensen sitting side by side in front of the principal’s office door, dangling their legs and waiting for their respective parents to arrive.

“I can’t believe you did it,” Jared giggled.

“Hey, I said I was game didn’t I?” Jensen sputtered indignantly. “Though… I still don’t know what fag means,” he said as he slumped back on the wooden bench they were sitting on.  

After a moment’s consideration, Jared whispered “It’s a bad word. And it’s used for boys who like other boys the way most boys like girls.”

Jensen frowned and looked at Jared for a long moment. Slowly, realization made way into his brain and his eyes grew wide as saucers.

“Wait. Like… Oh. Oh!” A thousand questions were going through his mind and he wanted to ask them all at once but he couldn’t settle for which to ask first and he also didn’t dare ask because the look on Jared’s face - warded, wary, scared  - almost made him swallow his tongue. He remembered Randy’s words from the other day “ _Is he your boyfriend? Are you a dirty fag too?_ ” and he felt sick to his stomach. Carefully, he looked around and then asked, lowering his voice in the smallest whisper possible:

“Are you…? I mean… Do you like boys like that?” He felt his face aflame and he was sure Jared was going to punch him or run away, but the other boy held his gaze and answered in the same whispered tone

“I think so, yes.”

Jensen thought that if his eyes grew any bigger he’d start looking like that alien from the comic book his mom bought him. He saw Jared frowning, his lips turning down as if disappointed or hurt but Jensen didn’t know what to say. Just as Jared turned his head the other way he heard his father’s voice calling his name from down the corridor. His confusion was replaced by cold fear and when his dad dragged him away from the bench and into the principal’s office he looked back to Jared and prayed for a smile. It didn’t come.

An hour later they were both herded off the school grounds by Jensen’s father and Jared’s big brother who had come to school instead of his parents. The two men were a step behind them, talking quietly among themselves. Jared wasn’t looking at him and Jensen felt sadness tugging at his heart. He didn’t know how to make things right again so he clutched the tin box tighter to his chest and kept on walking.

As they were nearing their cars, Jensen looked at the box and got the craziest idea. It was so crazy that it just might work. And if not? To hell with the rest. He held the box out. Jared looked at it with a frown, then up at Jensen, a silent question in his eyes.

Jensen got closer and whispered: “Your turn. Tomorrow, you have to say some bad word in Miss Chandler’s class. You game or not?”

Jared raised an eyebrow and seemed to consider both him and the box thoughtfully.

“Come on, Jensen. Say goodbye to your friend. We’re going home,” Jensen heard his father say in a stern voice. He held his breath praying that Jared would say something, anything, yes.

“Game!” Jared said finally and grabbed the box from Jensen with a smirk just as his brother was dragging him away by the elbow and steering him towards their car.

The rush of anticipation didn’t leave Jensen that day. Not even after his father put away the belt he used to show his boy that that foul word was never to be used or even thought about in his house. Not even when he wasn’t allowed to go to his mother’s room to say goodnight.

And so it started. The thrilling game that used a round tin candy box to get two boys into so much trouble and that would end up shaping their lives. The rule was simple - whoever had the box could dare the other one to do anything they wanted. A stupid game? Maybe. But it was their game.

***

“Who can tell me a noun starting with the letter A?” the teacher’s voice rang through the classroom and everybody had their hands in the air, rushing to answer.

“A for Apricot.”

“A for Airplane.”

“A for Avalanche.”

“A for Alien.”

“A for Ant.”

The teacher smiled and nodded at each answer and then changed the question.

“OK. Nouns beginning with a B? Yes, Jared?”

“B for… Big-dick, bonk... B for Beat the beaver, bordello, balls, blow-job, bug-eyed baboon, bitchbag... Beat it, bitchbag!” Jared started rattling and Jensen felt his eyes go wide again and thought Jared knew a lot of bad words. He wasn’t even breathing in between them for god’s sake!

The whole classroom fell quiet but for a few sniggers in the back rows and Jensen would forever remember the look on Miss Chandler’s face as probably one of the funniest sights he’d ever seen.

“Oh, you think you’re funny, mister?” she said in a high pitched voice and Jensen could see she was trembling with rage. “Foul language is not funny, Jared Tristan Padalecki. Not in my classroom, not anywhere else. I’m giving you an F, F is for foul. We’ll see if the principal thinks it’s funny,” she said at last and made to drag Jared from his seat.

Jared turned and placed the tin box he kept hidden on Jensen’s desk, catching his eye and mouthing “Your turn,” with an expectant look in his eyes. Jensen snatched the box and said “Game!”

“Jensen? What’s going on?” the teacher asked and her tone sounded like nails on a blackboard. “Are you in on this too, young man? You’re going to  the principal’s office with Jared. Come on, now.  I don’t have all day!”

As they walked the long corridor to the offices behind Miss Chandler, Jensen whispered:

“Boner.”

“What?” frowned Jared.

“B for boner,” grinned Jensen.

“I didn’t have time!” his friend protested with a huff.

The principal’s office was the same as the other day - big, stuffy, with small windows that barely let any light in. The man behind the giant mahogany desk reminded Jensen of the zombies from his comic books with his beady eyes, pale clammy skin, yellow crooked teeth and irregular tufts of hair that he tried to grow out and comb so that they’d cover the parts of his scalp that were lacking. He was currently barking some words at him and Jared about vulgarity and how the use of it by two boys of fine upbringing like themselves was shameful and degrading and some other stuff that Jensen could see was boring Jared to death. And he still had to think something up to match Jared’s display of bad word knowledge in class. Jared had dared him after all. And he was always game. So Jensen tuned out the principal and busied himself lowering the zipper on his school uniform slacks, taking his dick out and peeing on the Turkish rug in front of the man’s desk.  

The mix of awe, pride and pure joy on Jared’s face would be well worth the suspension and would be etched behind his tightly closed eyelids as a sole consolation when his dad’s blows would fall, later that evening.

This was a great game.. Only no one found it funny but Jared. Jensen didn’t need anyone else anyway. To hell with the rest, right?

***

Soft music was playing and pretty shoes were dancing closer and then moving away, closer then away again, but Jensen only watched them for a moment, because his eyes were drawn by the boy sitting next to him under the big table fiddling with the edge of the cloth that hung almost all the way to the floor.

It was Jared’s big brother’s wedding and Jared had invited him. He had ditched his violin lesson that afternoon to go to the party because after their latest stunt his dad said he was grounded until he turned 90.

“Why do you think people get married?” Jared asked all of a sudden.

“Because they love each other?” Jensen said and realized only after the words had left his mouth that he’d phrased his answer like a question.

Jared huffed a laugh. “Love. Yeah.”

“What? You don’t want to get married?”

“Why should I? People don’t love each other, not really. They just lie because they don’t want to be alone.”

Jensen thought about it for a moment. Polaks really were weird people. Then he said:

“I want to get married one day.”

“Yeah, get in front of the altar with some girl dressed in white and when the minister asks - Do you take this woman to be your wife you say...”

“Yes.”

“No.”

They finished the sentence at the same time and looked at each other. Jensen was confused, but Jared had that glint of mischief in his eyes again.

“Dare you!”, he said. “Are you game or not?”

Jensen laughed. “Game. You know I’m always game!”

Jared grinned and asked: “What will you be when you grow up?”

“Me? A tyrant!” Jensen puffed his chest and used his most confident tone.

“A tyrant? Your people subjugated?” Jared inquired incredulously.

“Totally. With a harem and slaves and torture every Thursday,” Jensen said and nodded his head for emphasis.

“Cool,” said Jared and a small smile played at his lips.

“What about you?” Jensen wanted to know.

“Well I...” Jared started, but then closed his mouth. After a beat he added “No. It’s too dumb.”

“Tell me!” Jensen tugged at his sleeve.

“You won’t like it,” Jared mumbled lowering his gaze.

“I told you! Tell me!” Jensen insisted.

Jared drew a deep breath and looked at Jensen. Then without blinking he said, “I’d like to be a cream puff. A cream puff with apricots, or even a plain one. Lukewarm at the bakery. In the window.” His look was defiant now, as if daring Jensen to make fun of him.

Instead, Jensen asked: “A cream puff? As in cake?”

“Of course! What else? A cream puff is a cream puff!” Jared huffed and rolled his eyes.

“A cream puff...” Jensen said thoughtfully. “Yeah, of course, a cream puff. That’s brilliant!” he added with more strength to his voice and Jared’s pleased expression, full with dimples and sparkling eyes lit up the space where they sat crouched under the table.

The mischief was back in Jared’s expression and he rolled the tin box towards Jensen, all the while fiddling with the end of the table cloth again and eyeing it with a smirk.

“Are you game or not?”

“Oh, I’m definitely game,” Jensen said with a grin.

The next moment all the pretty shoes in the room stopped dancing as their owners looked in horrified astonishment at the wedding cake that came tumbling to the ground with a loud plop, followed by the trays of colorful small cakes that filled the table. In the racket that followed, nobody noticed the two boys giggling while crawling their way under the tables until they made it to the exit.

Jensen took off in one direction and Jared in the other, just as someone started shouting after them. They looked back at each other and grinned, then turned and ran like hell hounds were on their heels.

On his way home, Jensen fished his violin case from the bush he’d hidden it in and prayed that his dad wasn’t in. He had no such luck for just as he made for the front door it opened and his dad rushed out with a haunted expression on his face.

“The violin teacher was sick. That’s why I’m early. He let me go so that he could...” Jensen rushed to explain but his father cut him off.

“Shut up, boy. I don’t have time for your nonsense. Get in the car. You’re going to drive your mother into her grave with all the trouble you cause. Come on now. Hurry.”

They drove to the hospital and Jensen didn’t understand why his dad was mad at him. And what was all this talk about graves. His mamma was happy. She didn’t know about the trouble Jensen was causing. His dad didn’t tell her. Did he?

She was lying in a small room with white walls and a white tiled floor and white sheets on the bed and she was as white as all that surrounded her, her green eyes and red hair the only two spots of color in the room. There were beeping machines all around her and long thin tubes going into her arms. She looked at him and smiled.

“Jen-Jen” she said in a wheezing voice and then started coughing so bad that they had to remove him from the room and put some kind of alien mask on her face so she could breathe normally again.

“ _You’re going to drive your mother into her grave with all the trouble you cause._ ” rang in his ears time and time again as he watched his mamma through the open door struggling for every breath.

“ _You’re going to drive your mother into her grave with all the trouble you cause._ ” He covered his ears and closed his eyes but he could still hear his father’s words echoing.  


Later, as Jensen sat in his mother’s hospital room, his crayons scattered around him on the small table the nurses had brought in and drew picture after picture of blue skies and flying saucers, he kept thinking that he had to be better. He had to get her home.

A soft knock on the open door made him raise his head and he saw Jared standing in the doorway, head tilted to one side and eyes puppy dog soft. He was holding a small bouquet of pink flowers.

“What are you doing here, Jared?” Jensen said rather harshly as he came to the door and peeked outside, where his father was talking quietly with a doctor on the far end of the hallway.

Jared flinched and looked taken aback for a second but then he recovered and his eyes bore into Jensen’s with reproach.

“I came to see how you were doing. How’s your mamma?” he asked, but his eyes didn’t hold any warmth anymore.

“You should go. You shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t...” Jensen cut himself off and pushed Jared’s shoulder gently. “Just go, Jared.”

Jared’s eyes turned liquid and he turned on his heels and stormed back the way he came from. On his way down the hall, he threw the pink flowers in a nearby trash can.

“Of course. Because I’m only good for fun and games. Of course.” he muttered bitterly to himself.

Jensen was just getting back to his drawing table when he heard Jared’s voice in the doorway again.  

“Hey, Jensen!”

He turned just in time to see Jared set the tin box on the floor just inside the room and say “You have to hop for half an hour. Because you’re a jerk. Game or not?”

Jared didn’t wait for his answer, he just ran down the corridor again towards the exit. Jensen sighed and went to pick up the box.

“I’m always game, aren’t I?” he whispered and started hopping back inside the room.

“If I hop one tile, I’ll get an A on my next assignment” he said out loud and jumped.

“Two tiles at once and then Jared won’t be mad at me anymore”. Thump!

“Three tiles at once and mamma will get better.” Thump!

“Four tiles at once and she’ll come home with me tonight” THUMP!

Jensen’s shoes slipped and he crashed hard to the floor, the tin box clacking loudly on the tiles and rolling from his hands. Next thing he knew there was a loud uninterrupted beeping sound coming from the machines by the bed and two large hands hauling him up off the floor and dragging him outside. There was a flurry of white coats surrounding his mother’s bed and Jensen could hear his own voice screaming a litany of “Mamma! Mamma! Mamma!”

***

The air was cold and there was an annoying drizzle pouring over the small gathering in front of the grave. Jensen was staring blankly ahead, not seeing anything, his dad’s arm around his small shoulders. He didn’t even notice how hard he was holding on to his dad’s wrist or the fact that his cheeks were wet and the rain had nothing to do with it. He’d had a dream last night, about the God that his dad was always telling him about. Jared was in his dream and they were both in the prettiest garden. He was holding tight to Jared’s hand and God’s voice was booming from the sky: “You can kiss Eden goodbye. Trouble awaits you! I reserve the worst scourges and torments for you, boy! Dinosaurs and volcanoes! Godzilla, Hitler, dead Indians, oil-slicks but above all… pretty moms who are sick and die!” He’d woken up shaking and calling for his mamma. But nobody came.

Jensen had never felt so alone. He’d lost his mom, he’d lost Jared, his dad didn’t love him and God was a cruel ass.

“Ashes to ashes and dust to dust” the minister was saying in a grave timber when the most beautiful song in the most horrendous off key voice rang out over the small crowd:

“ _Hold me close and hold me fast_  
_This magic spell you cast_ _  
_ This is la vie en rose”

Jensen’s eyes shot up towards the raised monument beside his mother’s grave where the voice was coming from. And just like that, the widest smile bloomed on his face and his eyes filled with tears again.

On the back of the angel statue, hanging on to its stone wings, clinged Jared, wearing a flower crown over bangs that were plastered to his forehead from the rain and singing at the top of his lungs:

“ _When you kiss me heaven sighs_  
_And though I close my eyes_ _  
_ I see la vie en rose”

He was holding one hand in the air like he was serenading someone and his ever present sunny smile lifted all the clouds from Jensen’s heart.

“ _When you press me to your heart_  
_I'm in a world apart_ _  
_ A world where roses bloom”

Another verse was all it took for the people gathered at the funeral to snap out of their bewilderment and start yelling at the crazy boy atop the angel. Jensen’s father looked so enraged that Jensen couldn’t help the image of the alien robot from his comics, striking laser beams at every obstacle in its path. He was sure that if his dad had that ability, Jared and the angel would be ashes.

But Jared only laughed and kept on singing, bad and even louder, so Jensen could hear him over the shouting people around him:

“ _And when you speak, angels sing from above_  
_Everyday words seem to turn into love songs._  
_Give your heart and soul to me_ _  
_ And life will always be la vie en rose”

Jared winked and threw his flower crown from above. It landed on the casket and Jensen couldn’t help hearing his mother laugh that beautiful laugh of hers and feel her arms around him, even as his dad’s fingers were squeezing painfully into his shoulder.

Later that night, when his dad had drunk himself into a deep sleep, Jensen winced as he got out of bed and went to the window. The belt hadn’t gotten any softer, no matter how many times he told himself it would, given time. He looked out and there was Jared, holding on to the tin candy box and bending to find another small pebble to throw at the glass.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen hissed as he opened the window and motioned for Jared to come closer, terrified the noise would wake his dad.

Jared just smirked and climbed the window sill. He pushed passed Jensen and landed softly on the floor of his bedroom.

“I’m here to sleep in your bed,” he said with a shrug and a dare in his eyes as he handed the tin box to Jensen.

“Are you game or not?”

Polaks were definitely weird, Jensen decided when he borrowed under the covers. Jared was next to him, feigning sleep. Jensen knew he was pretending because Jared’s brows were furrowed in concentration. He tried not to laugh. Although weird, Polaks were endearing. And very very pretty.

 

***

 

_Ten years later_

“Jareeeeed! Yo! Jaybird! Get up, lazy ass! You have a final today!”

Jared appeared in the window of his bedroom, hair tousled from sleep, eyes droopy and wearing only a pair of soft pajama bottoms that hung so low Jensen thought only a miracle was holding them up on Jared’s wiry frame.

Jared scratched his belly and opened the window.

“Hold your fucking horses, Ackles! Why the hell are you yelling?”

“Awww! Princess got her panties in a twist?” Jensen laughed and climbed inside. When he landed on the floor, between the scattering of clothes and books and comics, an image flashed through his mind and he turned to a still yawning Jared with an evil glint in his eye. Jared looked at him in confusion for only two seconds and then held his palms up and backed away a step.

“Oh, no! Dude! No! Whatever you’re thinking right now, the answer is no. I have a fucking math final, I’m running on too little sleep and too much caffeine and… no. Whatever it is, no!”

Jared kept shaking his head as he turned his back to Jensen, ruffling through the clothes on the floor, picking them up for a sniff, scrunching his nose and then throwing them away again.

Jensen said nothing, but exited the room and turned back a minute later, shutting the door with a soft click. When he turned around, Jared was dressed in a pink shirt and black jeans.

“I think you should wear these too. They go well with your shirt”, Jensen said. A pair of pink cotton panties hung from his fingertips. Jared snatched them away and got beet red in the face.

“Are you fucking crazy? Where the hell did you get these?” Jared asked, a look of horror on his face.

“The laundry”, Jensen shrugged like he went through people’s laundry every day.

“Man, my sister in law’s gonna kill you if she finds out. Hell, she’s gonna kill me! That’s if my brother doesn’t get to me first. What the hell were you thinking? Put these back where you found them!” Jared thrust the panties to Jensen’s chest and went into the small adjacent bathroom.

When he came out, Jensen was holding both his hands out to him. In his left, the panties were still dangling from one finger. In his right was the tin candy box. Jensen’s expression was pure innocence.

“So… ” he said, “are you game or not?”

***

“Mr. Padaleski!”

Jensen sniggered and Jared groaned from where he was seated next to his friend on the bench in front of the classroom.

“Mr. Pada… Mr. Padaleski!” the teacher called again her voice raising over the constant humming of the students in the hallway.

Jared got up, threw his backpack over his shoulder and brushed passed her and into the classroom muttering “It’s Padalecki!”

The teacher was left staring after the boy wearing bright pink panties over black jeans.

After the third time the teacher told him to “please get rid of that ridiculous outfit, Mr. Padaleski this is no way to attend an examination”, Jared’s shout could be heard from the hallway:

“I will not take my panties off in front of you! And it’s Padalecki!”

Jensen laughed out loud at the horrified expressions of the three teachers who were in the examination committee. He could see them through the big classroom window that looked outside into the hallway and he thought Jared’s recklessness had reached a new peak. He was oddly proud. The girl next to him, a text book open in her lap, shot him a death glare just as one of the teacher’s voices from inside could be heard trying to calm Jared in a soothing tone:

“Ok, ok Mr. Padaleski. There’s no need for raised voices. Now, please, Lagrange’s theorem.”

Jensen snorted. Jared could demonstrate that in his sleep. So, of course, Jared couldn’t be allowed to have it so easy. He smirked to himself and leaned in, whispering something in the ear of the girl studying next to him. She looked at him incredulously and then laughed loudly and Jensen could see Jared stop mid explanation to look outside from the corner of his eye. It was just for a beat, and then he resumed his demonstration:

“... unless a polynomial is identically zero, it cannot have more roots than the highest power of x which appears in it. This power is called its degree. A polynomial is not identically zero unless every power of x cancels out separately. Thus 4x - 3 + x - 5x + 3 is identically zero. But x + 5 is not identically zero and its degree...”

Jared chanced a look out the window again and Jensen caught his eye. He leaned in, like he was going to whisper to the girl again, but instead gently bit her earlobe. Jared stared, transfixed, and Jensen could hear the teachers’ voices calling out to him.

“Mr. Padaleski! Finish your demonstration, please.”

Jensen kissed down the girl’s neck and she tilted her head to make room for him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jared grabbing his backpack and he startled. In the next second, Jared was pulling the door open with such force all the students in the hallway jumped. He turned in the doorway and said loud and clear:

“But x + 5 is not identically zero and its degree is 1. Therefore it has no more than the one root, -5. The degree of 3x3 - 6x is 3. Therefore it may have two roots besides 0 but no more than that.”

Before he turned and ran, he added through gritted teeth:

“And it’s PADALECKI!”

Jensen caught up with him in the bathroom. Jared’s expression was murderous and looking at him still wearing the panties over his jeans, nostrils flaring in rage, Jensen couldn’t help but laugh.

“Dude! That was awesommmmph...”

He kind of expected a shove. Or even a fist. What Jensen didn’t expect was being pinned to the wall and kissed within an inch of his life. Jared was all over him, their bodies aligned from chest to knees. His hands were fisted in Jensen’s shirt and his mouth was hard and demanding. Jensen’s breath caught in his lungs and for a second too long he was unable to move, unable to think.

When his unresponsiveness finally registered with Jared, his friend took a step back. Jensen’s brain came back online and suddenly Jared’s mouth on his was all he could think about. Jared. Beautiful, amazing, reckless Jared. How could he have been so blind?

He took hold of Jared’s shirt and reversed their positions, pinning him against the wall. His hands came up to cradle Jared’s head and he ran his fingers through the messy strands of his hair as his mouth sought Jared’s pink lips. Jared’s mouth opened under his with a sigh and Jensen moaned when he felt Jared’s tongue move against his. The sound seemed to bring Jared back to reality because in the next moment he was shoving Jensen off of him and bee-lining for the door.

Jensen shook his head to clear it and called after him:

“Jay! Jared, please wait.”

It only took a second to open Jared’s backpack that was discarded on the floor and take out the tin box. He held it out and closed the distance between them.

“Don’t run, Jay. Please. I’m game, ok? I’m so game.”

Jared’s hurt expression was not what Jensen had expected.

“You’re game,” Jared deadpanned. “Of course you are. Because this is all a game to you, isn’t it, Jensen?”

There was reproach and recrimination in Jared’s eyes and Jensen felt like a total scumbag even though he wasn’t sure why.

“Jay, no. I mean...” he stammered. Why the fuck was this so hard? Jared was his friend. This was supposed to go easy. Like everything between them. Easy as a game. Jensen took a breath.

“It’s not a game” he said with all the conviction he could muster. “It’s not, I promise Jay.”

But when he looked back at Jared’s face, the hurt look was gone, replaced by a mocking smirk.

“Of course it is, Jen. It’s a game where you change my name on the exam sheet just to fuck with me and then you practically hump a girl in the hallway in front of my classroom to distract me. It’s a game where you like girls and I settle for fucking the substitute gym coach” he said, and by the time he finished Jensen was gaping like a fish.

“You… what? Who??”

“Mike. The substitute gym coach. The one with the huge biceps?” Jared grinned.

Jensen was lost. He felt hurt and betrayed and he had no idea why because this was Jared. And Jared was his best friend not his boyfriend. He was a weird beautiful Polak who apparently fucked substitute gym coaches with huge biceps.

“C’mon, Jen. Let’s get out of here,” Jared said clapping his shoulder and his sunny smile was back in place as if nothing  had happened, as if he hadn’t just turned Jensen’s world upside down.

As they exited the bathroom Jensen thought of something to say, something that would make Jared stop and explain god dammit, explain what this confusing terrifying feeling in Jensen’s chest was. What came out of his mouth instead was:

“And how big are his biceps again?”

Jared turned to him and laughed.

“Bigger than your brain.”

“And you like this guy?” Jensen asked in a small voice.

“As a second choice,” Jared said smiling and started walking towards the gym.

Jensen stood, rooted to the spot, staring after his friend.

“Second choice...” he muttered then louder, so his voice could catch up with Jared’s retreating figure:

“Who’s your first? Jared!!!!”

The first time he went to the teacher’s lounge with a bleeding nose, coach Mike explained that it had been an accident, the Ackles boy just didn’t see him there when he shot his elbow back in a heated argument with one of his classmates. The second time, Ackles just threw that dodge ball a little off.  After the third time, coach Mike told Jared they couldn’t do this anymore. Jared laughed.

***

Jensen didn’t know what was going on with them. Yeah, their game had always been crazy, always on the brink of disaster, always pushing the boundaries of common sense and decency, but after the bathroom kiss, Jared’s dares started getting even more weird, if that was even possible. Hitting coach Mike? Totally Jared’s idea. He’d dared Jensen, handing him the round candy box when Jensen wouldn’t stop nagging him about “Jared, the guy’s a dick,” and “Jared, man, you deserve better than that.”

Jensen didn’t even pause to think when Jared had said “You hate him so much, why don’t you do something about it?” with that raised eyebrow and the look that Jensen knew by now meant “Are you game or not?” And Jensen, damn his life to hell, he was always game. And if a feeling of pride and smugness wormed its way into his heart every time Jared laughed in delight as coach Mike doubled over in pain and cradled a different part of his body, well nobody had to know.

It was their game and Jared found it endlessly amusing but it was, in the end, a stupid game. And when, after the third time he hit coach Mike and apologized with a shit eating grin on his face Jensen was caught in the locker room with Jared, laughing their asses off, he knew the game had just gotten a bit too dangerous, even for his tastes. Coach Mike not only told Jared they couldn’t do this anymore, but also threatened to press charges against Jensen for assault.

“The asshole!” Jared fumed as they were both waiting for their parents to come out of the principal’s office. It looked like every time they passed the box from one to the other, they ended up in this goddamned hallway. Jensen knew that technically Jared was right. Coach Mike was a scumbag who fucked his student but couldn’t take an ass whooping like a man. And he dared to threaten with charges. But as much as the logical part of his brain was telling him they could easily turn the tables on the coach and get out of trouble with bells on, the pleading number Jared had done on him not an hour earlier, full puppy dog eyes and winking dimples, telling him he was just as guilty because he had asked for it and he had actually enjoyed it made Jensen keep his mouth shut and sit there sulking. Jared deserved to get in trouble for letting that douchebag fuck him. And Jensen deserved it because… well because he was game. Always game.

***

“Tell me Jensen, are you not satisfied with your mother’s death? Are you so damned selfish that you want to drive everybody into their grave? How old are you, boy? When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that starting summer, you’re on your own? You’ve taken everything I love from me, you’ve left me with nothing, not even the ability to walk down the street with my head held high because I have the most fucked up kid in this god forsaken town. Tell me, boy, what are you going to do when summer starts? Because the moment you finish high school you’ll be out of that door so fast your head will spin! And then what? You’re gonna run to your little Polak friend? Is he gonna support you through college? Is he gonna give you shelter or a job? What’s he ever done for you other than get you in trouble? What’s he ever done other than help you kill your mother?”

The words flew out of his father’s mouth and Jensen felt each of them like a blow to his stomach. His dad rarely used his belt anymore, but oh, how his words could hurt! During times like these, Jensen used to pray that Mr. Ackles would take down the belt and hit him as hard as he could. No amount of welts could hurt as much as this.

When his father left the room, winded from spitting all his anger on Jensen, slurring under his breath and swaying on his feet, going straight for the kitchen for a new bottle of whiskey, Jensen sagged to the floor, hugged his knees to his chest and gritted his teeth. He would not cry. He wouldn’t. He’d heard this speech so many times now god damn it, why did the words still have such an effect on him? His breath hitched and an ugly sob ripped it’s way from his chest. The tears were flowing freely and he was so mad. So mad at his mom for leaving him, so mad at himself for letting her go, for not fighting hard enough, so mad at his dad for being a drunk abusive bastard and holy fuck so mad at Jared for not loving him.

As he realized the enormity of his thoughts, Jensen heard a loud, clear voice from outside, singing awfully off key

“ _Hold me close and hold me fast_  
_This magic spell you cast_ _  
_ This is la vie en rose”

A fresh wave of anger hit him and he got up, opened the window and yelled at the top of his lungs: “Shut. Up. Jared! God, just shut up! Can’t you fucking see you look stupid? Can’t you fucking find something better to do than sing that god awful grandpa song? Don’t you have homework? Graduation’s in a few months, you stupid bastard! And what are you gonna do then? Sing your way through life? You’ll die hungry, Jared, ‘cause you can’t. Fucking. Sing!”.

He slammed the window shut so hard the glass rattled. Outside, a bewildered Jared sat looking at him like he’d grown a second head. Slowly, Jared’s dumbfounded expression morphed into one of hurt and sadness, and his eyes welled up with tears. He mouthed “Jensen, please,” but Jensen was too angry.

“Go home, Jared!” he shouted through the closed window. He didn’t know if Jared had heard him, but after a second the boy turned and ran away. The sound of the bedside lamp crashing against the wall could wake the whole neighborhood. Jensen only prayed it wouldn’t wake up his drunken dad.   

***

“Don't say a word. Let me talk. You missed me? Because I missed you. You're a real tyrant. It's so hard to be mad at you. But don't kid yourself, I still am. I want to talk and forget the game, just for once. Do you like my pink shirt? I hesitated. Nabbed it off my brother. He has another deep red one, like a thermonuclear bombshell... That's the one I should've worn. I must've spent... three hours in front of the mirror. But I got there, see? I'm pretty. You better like it, or I'll kill you!”

Jared drew a deep breath and raised a hand to stop the boy in front of him from speaking.

“No, wait... Where was I? The problem is, that... even if you said _I love it_ I wouldn't believe you. Jensen, I no longer know when you're playing or not. I'm lost. Wait, I'm not finished. Tell me you love me. Tell me, because if I tell you first, I'm afraid you'll think it's a game. Save me... I beg of you.” Jared lowered his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

Jensen ran a hand through his hair in an exasperated manner. He had managed to avoid Jared for almost two weeks now before the boy found him in the school library.

“Jared...” he sighed.

“Jensen,” his friend almost whispered.

“Are you here to study?” Jensen wanted to erase all of Jared’s earlier words. He couldn’t handle them right now.

“Study. Of course.” Jared muttered and Jensen could tell he was getting angry.

“Not now, please,” Jensen asked him in a hushed voice, pleading in his eyes.

“Then when? Tomorrow?”

“In a year,” Jensen heard himself saying. “I’m sorry, Jared. I just. I can’t do all of this right now. I have nowhere to go after graduation  and I don’t know what any of this means and… I’m sorry”

“Spare me your sorrys,” Jared hissed.

“Look, you and I? We never talked about the future. I mean, both our futures,” Jensen said earnestly.

“Both our futures… Funny, I’d have said _our future_. I guess… The present should be enough, huh? I just saw us going on like this for years. How stupid of me,” Jared said in a bitter tone.

Then his face cleared and his thousand watt smile was back. He took the tin box from his backpack and put it on Jensen’s table.

“Ok, then. Pass your exams. Game or not?”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen whispered, staring at the book opened in front of him.

“ _I’m sorry, Jared_. Right,” his friend replied and sarcasm colored his voice again. “In fact, Jensen, come to think about it, we did talk about the future. Once. And we weren’t too far off. You’re becoming a tyrant and me? A cream puff.”

With that, he walked away, leaving the box on the table. Jensen stared at it for a couple of seconds, tapping his pen against his lower lip, then got up cursing under his breath. He caught up with Jared in a deserted isle, on the way to the exit. He caught his arm and spun him around, crowding him against a large bookshelf.

“Go back to your studying, Jensen. I really wouldn’t want to keep you,” Jared said defiantly.

“Stop this nonsense!” Jensen all but growled.

“I’m serious, dude. Go, work on your papers. It’s no problem. I have exams to pass too. I’ve decided I’m gonna study men,” Jared replied in a mocking tone.

“Men?” Jensen looked at him puzzled. His expression quickly changed into one of pure shock when Jared grabbed his crotch and squeezed, making Jensen lose his breath as all his blood ran south.

“Yes, men. Males. Guys,” Jared said and he emphasized each word with a rub of the heel of his palm against Jensen’s by now rock hard dick. “I figure I’ve got a lot of catching up to do, don’t you think?”

Jensen forced his brain to kick into gear. He was annoyed and angry and aroused as all get out.

“Well, this is a library,” he said through gritted teeth. “No better place to learn, right?” he asked as he pushed his hips into the friction of Jared’s palm and stilled. “Are you game or not?”

Jared smirked and started undoing Jensen’s belt, his lust darkened eyes never leaving Jensen’s. He was just lowering his zipper when voices filtered through, signaling approaching students. When Jared didn’t seem to be making any attempts to stop, Jensen caught his wrists.

“Jared stop. This is stupid. There’s people here. Stop!” Jensen heard himself say and almost didn’t recognize his own voice.

Jared’s chin jutted out. “Why? It’s just a dare.” He shrugged and smirked at Jensen. “Back to my studies then. See you in a year, Jensen,” he said as he wiggled his way past the other boy.

Jensen just stood there, his pants open, and banged his head on the shelf. “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Why the hell was this so hard? When had things between him and Jared stopped being easy? He quickly did up his fly, buckled his belt and ran towards the exit. He caught up with Jared on the front steps and gently took his hand as he stepped up behind him.

“Yes?” Jared turned to him and Jensen thought he’d never seen his friend’s face so void of any feeling. He swallowed hard and focused on a stain on his sneakers.

“You know what I wanna say...”, he whispered and raised his eyes to meet Jared’s. But Jared’s face remained unchanged.

“No, I don’t. Say it.”

Jensen sighed. “This is not easy for me, Jared.”

“Can’t it wait a year then?” Jared smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Jensen felt anger and frustration rising in him again. Damn Jared and his mocking! He reached into his back pocket and got out a condom packet. He handed it to Jared with a serious expression.

“Here. To help you with your studies.”

Jared looked at the condom and then at Jensen, smiling sadly.

“Trying to hurt me, Jen? Don’t be stupid. You never could.” He ran down the steps and got in line to the bus that was parked just in front of the library building.

“Will you wait for me?” Jensen shouted after him.

“Is that a dare?” Jared turned to him, his arms crossed and a frown marring his pretty face.

Jensen shook his head and held out his empty hands, no tin box in sight, as tears welled up in his eyes. “No. It’s not.”

“Then you’ll have to wait and see,” Jared said, and got on the bus.

As the bus closed its doors and left the station, Jensen turned the other way and ran a hand down his face. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t wait this long. He couldn’t lose Jared.

All of a sudden he was in motion, running after the bus, waving his hands in the air and screaming, round fat tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Jared! Jared, I love you! Jared, please, come back! Jared!”

The bus kept moving.

***

It had been four years since Jensen had left town for college. Four years since he’d parted ways with his father and only talked to him occasionally on the phone. Four years since he’d started behaving like an adult and kept feeling like he had a speedometer that marked 90 but he was not driving over 30. Four years since he was hiding. Four years since he was trying to forget Jared. And failing miserably.

This adulting thing sucked and Jensen was roaming the streets, his hands in his pockets, remembering what it used to feel like to not give a damn. To say - to hell with the rest - and mean it. His heart was aching but his life was on track. Well, on some kind of track anyway. His father would be pleased. He’d maybe clap Jensen on the back and smile at him, the way he used to do before his mamma died, when he’d done well in school or managed to master a new song on the violin. His mamma? Jensen wasn’t too sure she’d be so proud of him if she saw him now. But he had always been a disappointment to her, right?

Jensen kicked a pebble on the sidewalk and watched it roll away, stopping by the leg of a chair. A coffee shop with a small terrace was just a few feet away and he thought he could use a strong cup before he had to make it to his childhood home and face his dad. He stepped inside and the bitter smell of strong coffee hit his nose and almost made him moan out loud. Someone was singing; low and terribly off key, humming the song on the radio.  Then, the voice registered. Jensen would recognize that voice anywhere. His head snapped up and the first thing he saw, right there on the bar top, next to the cash register, was a round tin box with a red and white striped lid, like the top of a circus tent. Behind the bar, his back to Jensen, stood Jared tinkering with the coffee machine. His hair was longer, his shoulders broader, his frame no longer thin and wiry but filled out with strong muscles that moved hypnotizingly under his pink shirt. Of course he wore a pink shirt. It was still Jared.

Jensen walked up to the bar and cleared his throat.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn't hear you com...” Jared’s apology died in his throat as he took in his new customer.  

“Jared,” Jensen croaked as he took in his old friend’s beautiful features, his ever changing eyes, his high cheekbones, his strong jaw framed by a hint of dimples. God, what was wrong with his voice?

“Jensen,” Jared breathed, like he couldn’t believe Jensen was real, that he was really there.

They looked at each other for a long moment, taking it all in, the changes, the signs that they’d grown up and the remaining hints of the reckless boys they once were. Slowly, the bewildered look on Jared’s face morphed into a cloud splitting grin and Jensen suddenly remembered a day when he’d vowed to himself that he would always keep that smile there.

“Oh my god, the proverbial prodigal son has returned!” Jared laughed, holding a hand against his heart. “To what might we owe you honoring our little town with your presence, oh long lost one?”

“Oh, shut it, Padalecki!” Jensen groused but he couldn’t keep in the laugh that struggled to escape.

Once it died down though, the silence that stretched between them became almost palpable. Jensen hated it. All these years and nothing had become easier.

“It’s good to see you, Jen,” Jared said and his eyes held so much warmth and longing that Jensen wanted to drown in them.

“Good to see you too, Jay. You look good.” He tried to put all his feelings into those words. His heart was screaming “ _I’ve missed you. Why didn’t you ever return my calls? Do you hate me that much?_ ” but all Jensen could do was stare, take his fill and try to hide his aching heart.

Jared extended his hand over the bar top and Jensen shook it. It was big and warm and he never wanted to let go yet a little voice in the back of his mind kept whispering “ _if this was another time, if things had been different, Jared would have hugged the hell out of you right now._ ” As it was, Jensen held Jared’s hand a little longer and ran his thumb over Jared’s knuckles almost unconsciously. When Jared pulled his hand away gently, Jensen felt inexplicably cold.

“You kept it.” Jensen said, running his fingertips over the lid of the tin box next to him.

“Of course I did. It was a treasure, right? Treasures aren’t meant to be thrown away.” Jared smiled but there was so much sadness in his smile that Jensen felt his stomach turn. “It’s my tip jar now,” Jared added with a wink and his mask of mischief was back in place. His eyes raised above Jensen’s head - holy hell when had Jared gotten so tall? - and looked outside on the terrace. A very well dressed man was seated at a table on the terrace, reading a newspaper.

“See that guy over there? He comes here every day. He’s always so elegant. And he hates it when anything gets on his suit. He ordered a cappuccino right before you came in,” Jared said and pushed the tin box towards Jensen with a raised eyebrow and a clear challenge in his eyes. “You game or not?”

When the man left his table with a lapful of sweet coffee and foam, cursing a blue streak, Jared was laughing so hard he was doubled over. Jensen thought this was what it was like to be alive. Fuck he’d missed their game so much!

“Dude, I just lost you a tip. And probably a loyal customer,” he said through tears of laughter.

“Nah! Never seen the guy before in my life. I think he’s from out of town, visiting for that antiques fair.” Jared smirked and Jensen knew he’d been had. It only made him laugh harder. Jared was back in the game! Pure, raw, explosive Jared. Better than drugs, better than whiskey. Better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-shit-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstasy! Better than sex, head, 69, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama Sutra or Thai doggy-style! Better than banana milkshakes! Better than George Lucas's trilogy, the Muppets and Lord of the Rings! Better than Marilyn, Lara Croft and Cindy Crawford's beauty mark! Better than the B-side to Abbey Road, Jimmy Hendrix and the first man on the moon! Space Mountain, Santa Claus, Bill Gates' fortune, the Dalai Lama, Lazarus raised from the dead! Woodstock, raves... Better than Sade, Rimbaud, Morrison and Castaneda! Better than freedom, better than life!

“Have dinner with me,” Jensen heard himself say.

“Why?” Jared’s laughter died in his throat.

“Because, four years ago I wanted to tell you something but I couldn’t. Because I hurt you. Because I’m not that boy anymore. Because I need to ask you something,” Jensen went on like he couldn’t draw breath for fear Jared would say no.

Jared said yes.

***

It was a nice restaurant that Jared had picked and Jensen found him there, at the table, waiting. He was breathtakingly beautiful and Jensen’s heart felt like it was being stabbed. He sat down and Jared’s megawatt smile only made guilt feel like a living thing swarming in his guts. Sweet, beautiful, reckless Jared. Jensen had never deserved him.

He sat down and poured a glass of champagne for each of them.

“To new beginnings,” he toasted as he tried to smile.

Jared raised his own glass and his eyes got shiny.

“To the future,” he said and took a sip of the bubbly liquid.

“So, I heard your brother has a kid. That’s cool. Being an uncle. And that coffee shop? You must be the town’s favorite guy in the mornings. Looks like you’re doing well. You look good. Is there anyone in your life?” He was rambling and the question came out unfiltered, but he couldn’t help it. It hurt like hell and he knew he wasn’t being fair but Jensen needed to know. It was like when he had that scab when he was little and couldn’t leave well enough alone so the wound had just deepened and deepened. It had hurt like hell but he couldn’t stop himself.

Jared smiled and lowered his eyes, a blush spreading over his cheeks. Then, just like a switch had been turned, he smirked at Jensen with a coy look.

“Are you asking if there’s anyone in my bed? Why do you want to know?”

“No reason.” Jensen sighed, defeated. Then he smiled. This was Jared.

“It’s just head-on dialectic on the state of the heart.”

“Head-on dialectic...”, Jared parroted. “Don’t we say _conversation_ anymore mister college big-shot?”

“I have a handful of big words. I get them out when I need to impress people,” Jensen deadpanned.

“You never had to impress me, Jen.” It was said so softly that Jensen almost didn’t catch it. He felt his eyes welling up but he pressed on.

“So… are you in love?”

When Jared only kept staring at his hands clasped together on the tabletop Jensen added in a rush:

“I’m sorry, Jay. You don’t have to answer that.”

Jared raised his eyes and looked at Jensen through his bangs. “I have no one in my bed, if that’s what you want to know. Well, I did, but I kicked him out this morning.”

His mocking smirk was back and Jensen wanted so badly to wipe it off with a kiss. Instead he said:

“You’re right. I don’t really want to know.”

“Why are you really here, Jensen? Is it because you got your fancy diploma?” Jared was pinning him with his stare and Jensen felt like he could see right through all the shit in his life.

“My diploma was purely tactical,” he said and it felt like some of the weight from his shoulders lifted with the confession.

“I came because I wanted to ask you something, Jay.” That’s it. No more beating around the bush. Man up and spit it out already.

Jared was looking at him expectantly so Jensen went on.

“Jared, I’m in love.”

“You’re… in love. Just like that?”

“No, not just like that. It’s been years.”

Jared looked at him disbelievingly.

“But I’ve been so unfair to you. I’ve been such a jerk. You deserve better, Jay. You deserve so much! Someone to love you, someone to take care of you and be proud of what they have with you. I want you to have all that.”

The smile that had begun to spread on Jared’s face was dimming with every word Jensen was getting out.

“And I want to get married,” Jensen added.

The expression on Jared’s face could only be called shock.

“Umm… Jen? You’re giving me a bit of whiplash here. You want to get married?”

“Yes. What do you think?”

Jared raised a questioning eyebrow “What are you asking here? If I’m game?”

Jensen didn’t answer.

“Do you remember my brother’s wedding, when we were little? You said _game_ about not getting married.” Jared looked confused.

“So, what are you saying? That it’s a bad idea?” Jensen asked.

“You really want to get married?”

“I really do. But I need you there with me,” Jensen said and his eyes were pleading.

Jared huffed a laugh.

“Of course you do, you can’t even get married on your own.”

Jensen didn’t smile. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a little black velvet box. He put in Jared’s hands over the table and closed them over it.

“I need you to hold onto these until the big day,” he said and squeezed Jared’s hands in his.

Jared slowly opened the box. Two silver wedding bands were glinting in the low light of the restaurant and their sparkling was reflected in Jared’s eyes when he raised them to look at Jensen.

Jensen still felt like the world’s greatest scumbag but he went on.

“What do you say, Jay? Will you do this? Will you be there with me?” Jensen could hear his own heart breaking.

Jared took one last look at the rings and a giddy laugh started bubbling up from his chest. He looked at Jensen and nodded, his face alight with joy and wonder.

Jensen smiled wide then got up and turned around, speaking to the people at the table behind him.

“He said yes. I can’t believe it!” he said awe in his voice.

Jared’s cheeks were aflame and he ducked his head to hide the blush that was spreading to the tips of his ears. He raised it again when he heard Jensen softly calling his name. And as quick as it had come, all the happiness drained from his face making way to a look of horror and disbelief.

A pretty young blonde girl was getting up from the table behind Jensen and he was holding his hand out to her. When she got to their table, Jensen put an arm around her waist and tucked her in by his side.

“Jay, I want you to meet my fiance, Christine. Christine, meet my childhood best friend and now my best man.”

Christine took Jared’s hands in hers and thanked him.

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Jared. Jensen’s always talking about you and I know you guys have had your differences but I’m happy that you could put your past behind you and you are willing to do this for him. For us. Thank you, really.”

Jared stood and looked blankly at both Jensen and Christine. His hands were trembling and Jensen thought he’d never seen that hollow, haunted look in his eyes before. Jared let Christine finish her speech and then he turned and made his way through the restaurant towards the front door. Jensen caught up with him just as he was trying to hail a cab and thought to himself “this can’t keep happening, it’s like a recurring bad dream.” But this time, when he tried to take Jared’s hand to halt his movement, Jared whirled around and landed a punch straight to his mouth. His teeth rattled. He should have expected it, he thought as he was clutching his face in pain. He also deserved it if he was being honest. Jared’s chest was heaving and tears were streaming down his face. He took a few steps towards Jensen and Jensen reflexively took a few steps backwards until his back collided with the wall. Jared was crowding in on him now and Jensen had such a sense of deja vu, such a strong desire to kiss Jared senseless and say to hell with the rest that it scared him to death. But he wasn’t that boy anymore and real life was not a game. So he stood there and waited for another blow to come.

It never did. Jared just looked at him with a pained expression, tears marring his beautiful features, dimples gone, hidden under the grimace of pure, raw, all consuming pain.

“I once told you you could never hurt me,” Jared said after a long moment of silence, and his voice broke. “I guess I was wrong. I guess you just never tried hard enough before.”

“Jay...” Jensen whispered and the tears he had been holding in all day started flowing freely. “I’m so sorry.”

“Of course you are. Goodbye, Jensen.” Jared bent slowly and gently kissed Jensen’s split lip. Then he turned and started walking down the street.

***

The church was quiet when Jensen walked to the altar. He could hear his steps and all the thoughts whirling through his mind. It was the right thing to do. The responsible thing. The adult thing. He stood in front of the altar and looked up at the round stained glass window above the big cross. Light was filtering through in colorful patterns and for a heart shattering moment all those colors added up to the pattern on a round tin box that had once held colorfully wrapped chocolates. Jensen sighed and straightened his back. He could do this. He had to do this.

The small wedding party slowly filtered in after him. There was his father, dressed in a sharp suit, close shaven, his hair trimmed and styled. Jensen didn’t remember when he had last seen him looking so… clean. He looked at his son and Jensen couldn’t really tell if the man looked proud or just very satisfied with himself. He was accompanied by an aunt Jensen hadn’t seen since he was five and two of his cousins. Then there were Christine’s parents and a handful of her relatives. No friends. Christine’s couldn’t make it, they’d throw a party for them when they were going back home. And Jensen’s… well, Jensen didn’t really have any friends that he could call his own. Christine’s gang had adopted him in college and here… here he’d always had one friend. And that friend wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

Jensen kept watching the church door long after the last notes of the Bridal March died on the organ keys and his wife to be was standing by his side, a worried look on her face. It was only when the minister cleared his throat that he managed to drag his eyes away from the entrance and focus ahead. He met Christine’s concerned look and smiled apologetically.

“Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony...” the priest began and a soft creaking sound made him raise his eyes from the pair before him. He smiled and nodded, then went on as soft footsteps could be heard down the main aisle, stopping just in front of the first row of benches.

Jensen didn’t have to look back to know Jared was there. His father’s disapproving grunt was clue enough. His hands started shaking and his heart was thundering in his chest. He focused on his breathing and kept every muscle in his body locked so that none of them would get any ideas and make him turn towards Jared and say to hell with the rest.

“Do you, Jensen Ross Ackles, take Christine Louise Ballard to be your lawful wedded wife, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health until death do you part?”

A soft scraping sounded on the marble floor and Jensen heard it getting closer and closer to him. Something touched his foot and he looked down to find the colorful tin box stopped next to his shoe. His head snapped up and he found Jared there, right behind him, sitting on the bench with his hands in his lap, a sunny smile on his face. Jared looked from Jensen’s eyes down to the box and then up again and his chin jutted forward in silent challenge.

Jensen felt the world stop. It was like someone had hit the pause button on his life and he couldn’t move. He felt his stomach turn and his heart struggle to leave his rib cage. His whole body was frozen and he tried desperately to breathe and not fall apart right there, in front of the altar, in front of his fiance and the minister, in front of all his relatives, in front of Jared.

Then Jared got up, walked right next to him and bent down to retrieve the box from the floor. Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off him. Through the fog clouding his mind and the thundering of blood in his ears, Jensen heard Jared address the minister in a loud, clear voice.

“No, he doesn’t. Because he’s in love with someone else.”

And then, it was like the frame had been set in motion again and everything was fast forwarding. The minister gasped in shock, Christine looked at Jensen in horror and burst into tears, all the people in the church were talking at once and Jared turned on his heels and started for the exit.

“Jared!” Jensen heard himself call after him, but in the next moment, his father was cutting off  Jared’s path.

“When the hell are you going to leave us alone, boy? Jensen, get him out of here or I swear to God!”

Jensen was at Jared’s side in a flash. Jared turned to face him and the hurt look in his eyes was back ten fold. Jensen thought that, for all the vowing he’d made as a kid to keep Jared smiling, he had mastered the art of hurting him.

“So, Jen. Are you game or not?” said Jared, and tears were flooding his hazel eyes.

“Jared, please go home,” Jensen took Jared’s hands in his but Jared shook him off and anger replaced every trace of emotion on his face.

“Jensen, God damn it!” his dad shouted.

“You’ve got a real problem, you know? You never killed your mom, you didn’t turn your dad into the drunken bastard he is. You blame yourself for everything and now, at 23, you’re begging instead of living,” Jared said through gritted teeth.

Jensen knew he was prepared to say more, but his dad launched himself at Jared and swung his fist in the air.

“Dad! Stop!” Jensen caught his dad’s hand and a few of the other guests rushed to take a hold of him and drag him away from the two boys standing in the middle of the church floor.

“Oh, I’ll stop all right! I’m stopping everything!” his dad shouted. “Look at me, Jensen! Take a good hard look, because it’s the last time you’ll see me. You’ve jerked me around once too often. Now it’s all over. The game, the humiliation. As of this moment, you no longer exist. You’re out of my life. I don’t have a son anymore,” Mr. Ackles spat and left the church.

His shoulders slumped in defeat, Jared dragged his own feet towards the exit. Christine was outright sobbing in her mother’s arms and Jensen wished for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

***

Jensen was standing outside Jared’s door staring at the white graining of the wood. His hand came up to knock and then fell down at his side again. He’d been there for about ten minutes, playing this game, daring himself to knock, but it wasn’t working. He’d always only been game if Jared was the one daring him. Now he was pretty sure Jared wanted nothing to do with him and it scared the living shit out of him. He didn’t think he could face a world without Jared in it. His whole life, even the part when he was away at college, had revolved around the beautiful dimpled boy. His most cherished memories had Jared starring in them and the ones that hurt most were also tied to him. And Jensen was so tired. Tired of trying his damnedest to live up to expectations that were never his goals, tired of being this shell of a person who couldn’t feel any joy, tired of hurting everyone he loved, tired of playing this game.

His hand came up again and this time, he could hear the knocking even though he hadn’t been aware of having touched the door. He guessed his heart had made up his mind for him. There was some rustling and some clattering coming from inside and then the door opened and Jared was there, hair disheveled like he’d been running his hands through it compulsively, dark circles under his eyes, a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his hips and nothing else. It was the most beautiful picture that Jensen had ever seen and it made his heart hurt to know that he’d been the one to put that sadness on Jared’s face, that it was because of him that Jared’s eyes held no joy and his dimples were hidden by the downward setting of his mouth.

Jensen just stood there and stared. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, he hadn’t come prepared with some big speech and if some words had strung themselves together in his head in the ten minutes he’d been debating knocking on Jared’s door they were all gone now.

Jared sighed and opened the door further, motioning for Jensen to come in. He was running a hand through his hair again and Jensen wanted so badly to do that for him, string his fingers into those silky locks and never let go.

“What are you doing here, Jensen?” Jared said and he sounded just as tired as Jensen felt.

“I...” Jensen struggled and cursed himself inward because this never got easy. “I needed to see you.”

“You should be with your wife. You’ve only been married three days. Why are you not on your honeymoon?” Jared asked and he turned his back to Jensen, but Jensen could see how much it hurt him to say those words, to ask those questions.

He took the two steps separating him from Jared and put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. His skin was warm and soft, strong muscles playing underneath and Jensen wanted to brand his palm there. He felt Jared flinching and it hurt like a mother but he didn’t let go. He needed the contact for this. He needed Jared to ground him.

“There is no wife, Jay. Christine’s gone home. I...”

There was a long pause in which Jared turned to face him and Jensen could see the emotions warring on his face. There was mistrust there, but there was also hope and Jared was doing a very poor job at trying to keep the corners of his mouth from going up.

“You said no...” he whispered with incredulity.

“I did. I said I was game didn’t I?” Jensen answered and he wished he’d sounded more confident than he managed.

Jared crowded in on him then, backing him up until he hit a wall and his face came so close to Jensen’s that Jensen had trouble looking at him without his eyes crossing.

“Why did you do it? Why did you say no, Jen?” Jared almost growled.

“Because...” Jensen started and then stopped abruptly. “Jared, where’s the box?”

Jared stepped back from him like he’d been burned and the look in his eyes turned murderous. He turned and stalked into the kitchen, coming back seconds later with the colorful tin box that he thrust to Jensen’s chest.

“Get out, Jensen. Go home and never come back. Please,” he said and Jensen’s heart broke all over again.

Instead of turning for the door though, Jensen headed to the open window of Jared’s apartment. Jared stalked behind him, ready to grab him and throw him out if he had to. But Jensen just looked out the window, down the two stories at the people walking by the building. He turned to Jared and pointed at a burly looking guy with a bald head and arms covered in tattoos.

“That one,” he said as he handed the box to Jared. “Are you game or not?”

Jared looked at him stunned, then back at the box, then out at the guy who seemed to be waiting for someone by a mean looking bike. A giggle burst out of him and he took the box and hurled it with all he’d got aiming for the guy Jensen had pointed at. It flew and hit the man square in the head and by the very unmanly scream he let out, Jensen thought it had surely left a dent.

They ducked under the window sill wheezing with laughter as foul curses could be heard from outside. Then, a metallic crunch ended the cursing streak and the laughter died in their throats. They looked at each other and Jared opened his mouth to speak but Jensen rushed over him.

“Tell me that you love me first because I'm afraid that if I tell you first you'll think that I'm playing the game,” he said and the words were rushed, there was no air between them and he’d have been surprised if Jared would have made sense of them.

But Jared had and even though he didn’t answer, he leaned sideways and pressed his mouth to Jensen’s in a soft kiss. Jared’s lips were warm and gentle and Jensen could sense that he was holding back, giving him a chance to say no if he wanted to. It was the last thing Jensen wanted to say though and he buried one hand in Jared’s hair and grabbed his hip with the other one trying to pull him closer, his tongue playing at the seam of Jared’s lips, trying to deepen the kiss.

It was all the encouragement Jared needed because in the next moment he was scrambling over and straddling Jensen’s thighs, catching his face in his huge hands and angling it just right for the most perfect kiss of Jensen’s life. All the enthusiasm that Jared poured in everything he did was found now in the way he was kissing Jensen, warm wet tongue seeking access and dueling with his, whole body fluidly moving against Jensen’s. And when their crotches made contact, Jensen heard a long drawn out moan and it took him a few seconds to realize the sound was coming from his own throat. For his part, Jared was whining softly and sighing, moving constantly to keep the friction going between their hard cocks trapped between layers of cotton.

Kissing Jared was intoxicating and Jensen never wanted to come up for air. But when his hands finally left Jared’s hair and moved to his shoulders he realized that Jared was half naked against him and it made for a whole new heady feeling. Miles of soft, tanned skin, strong lean muscles curving and bunching underneath and it was all Jensen’s to touch, to taste and mark and Jensen drew back from the kiss to marvel at the gift he was being given.

Jared was looking at him in confusion and Jensen could practically see the wheels in his head starting to turn and make way for the thought that maybe Jensen had changed his mind again, maybe he didn’t really want this or that he was going to up and run. And Jensen vowed to himself then and there to make it up to Jared in any way he would be allowed, to love Jared until he trusted that Jensen was only his and that he’ll never leave. That this was not a game.

His hands came up to cradle Jared’s face and he stroked his thumbs over Jared’s cheekbones. He kissed his pink lips softly and moved to his jaw, with soft nips and bites. Jared sighed and relaxed against him, throwing his head back, exposing his long throat for Jensen. It was a sight even the strongest man wouldn’t be able to resist and Jensen was done pretending to be strong. He licked and kissed the side of Jared’s throat and sucked a dark pink mark behind his ear. When Jared actually fucking whimpered, Jensen’s mouth moved to his ear just as his fingers found Jared’s already hard nipples and flicked over them repeatedly. He bit down on the lobe and relished in the beautiful sounds coming from Jared’s parted lips.

“Tell me what you want, Jay. Tell me what to do because I have no fucking clue about anything other than I want to make you mine, give you everything.”

Jared’s full body shudder made Jensen groan and push up with his hips, just to feel it again. Then Jared’s was motion, tugging at Jensen’s shirt to open it. When the buttons seemed like too much trouble, he ripped it open, sending them flying every which direction and Jensen found that so hot his brain was melting. That Jared could overpower him so easily but he was like putty under Jensen’s hands was making him dizzy with want. But he’d meant it when he’d told Jared he had no clue what he was doing and he also didn’t want to rush into anything Jared was not ready to give him.

Jared seemed to have other plans though and as soon as Jensen’s shirt was open he got up and pulled down his sweatpants without much ceremony. Jensen’s world stopped revolving as he took in the beauty that was Jared’s body. His perfectly chiseled abs, his mile long legs that Jensen couldn’t help imagining thrown over his shoulders, his sculpted hips that set out in a V shape framing his long thick cock, hard and flushed and beading precome at the tip, everything about him was perfect and Jensen was the luckiest son of a bitch on the face of the earth.

He was staring, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it and he was taken out of his reverie by Jared bending down and tugging at his belt, trying to get it open.

“Off, take it off,” Jared said impatiently and Jensen took his hands away and undid his belt and fly, sighing in relief as his cock was freed from the pressure of denim. He got up on his knees and pulled his jeans down his thighs and when he looked up Jared had straightened and his rock hard cock was right in Jensen’s face. Jensen had never seen another cock so up close and personal but damn him if Jared’s didn’t make his mouth water.

He abandoned his jeans and underwear mid-thigh and put his hands on Jared’s thighs rubbing up and down and pulling him in. “Come here, cream puff,” he said and even though he was going for funny his voice sounded like gravel, like he’d already had that beautiful hard cock down his throat. Jared chuckled and took a step closer, one of his hands coming up to stroke Jensen’s cheek the other making a loose fist around his own cock.

“Jen, are you sure about this? You don’t have to...” he said and he looked like getting the words out was hurting him.

Jensen just smiled and leaned in, his tongue darting out to collect the clear drop of precome bubbling out of Jared’s slit. Jared’s moaned loudly and his hand moved to the back of Jensen’s head, not pushing, just stroking softly at the hairs at his nape. And even though Jensen was grateful for his patience, he would have liked a little more action and initiative. So he opened his mouth and his tongue came out to cover his teeth as he looked up at Jared hoping he was managing to convey all the trust and the love he felt in that moment. Jared groaned as he placed the head of this cock on Jensen’s tongue and pushed forward slowly. Jensen closed his lips around the crown and swirled his tongue around it experimentally. He was instantly grateful for Jared’s self control because the noises Jared was making told him that he would have liked nothing more than to push in as far as he could go and then some. The thought made Jensen shudder and he sank further on Jared’s cock, loosening his jaw and putting pressure on the underside with his tongue. He could only take about one third of it in his mouth before his gag reflex would kick in but he vowed to himself to practice in the future as he brought his hand up to circle the base of Jared’s dick and make up for it for now. He started bobbing his head up and down, breathing through his nose, acutely aware of Jared’s every sigh and moan. His own cock was leaking and jerking against his stomach every time he could feel the fine tremble running down Jared’s thighs. Everything about giving head was intoxicating, Jared’s scent filling his nostrils, his taste, the tiny aborted thrusts of his pelvis and the weight of his dick in Jensen’s mouth.

There was a long whine coming from Jared and his hand tightened in Jensen’s hair as he pulled his dick out and squeezed tightly on the base to stave off his apparently impending orgasm. Jensen didn’t know if he felt relieved or disappointed and he looked up, question in his eyes.

“I don’t want to come like this,” Jared said trying to calm his breathing. He pulled Jensen up by his shoulders and kissed him, licking his taste right out of Jensen’s mouth and Jensen’s brain short circuited for how hot he found this too. He suddenly wanted to find every way to take Jared apart and put him back together again.

He wiggled to get out of his jeans and as soon as they fell around his ankles he angled his body and slotted their hard dicks against each other. The contact was electrifying and Jared immediately started to move against him, delicious friction that made his head spin. His hands went around to cover and squeeze Jared’s ass and bring him even closer. Jared whimpered and Jensen asked on a moan “What do you want, Jay?”

“I need you to fuck me,” Jared said looking him in the eye and his pupils were blown so wide that his ever changing irises were barely visible, just a thin circle around a deep sea of black that Jensen would have happily drowned in.

“Bedroom,” he groaned and Jared spun him around and kissed him, kept kissing him as he walked them backwards to his room. They managed not to bump into anything and as soon as Jensen’s calves hit the bed, Jared pushed him down and climbed over him, long legs bracketing his hips, hands on either side of Jensen’s head. His hair was falling around his face, his nostrils were flaring and he had this look in his eyes like he wanted to devour Jensen. He bent down and fucked his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, coaxed his out and sucked on it, then pulled back and bit gently at his puffy lower lip.

His arm darted to the side and Jensen could hear a drawer opening, probably on the nightstand by the side of the bed and some rustling before Jared was back holding a bottle of lube and a condom packet. He let the condom fall on the bed by Jensen’s hip and opened the bottle. He poured a generous amount of the clear liquid on his fingers and rubbed them together to warm it up. Jensen watched mesmerized as Jared strengthened above him and his lubed up hand disappeared behind him.

***

Jensen could tell the exact moment when Jared had breached himself because he let out the most delicious sound and started moving, thrusting his hips and undoubtedly fucking his own finger. Jensen’s hands moved of their own accord up and down Jared’s sides, soft caresses that made Jared tremble and Jensen feel like the king of the world. He tweaked Jared’s small nipples and Jared cried out and threw his head back pushing his chest into Jensen’s hands in a beautiful arch. His body was a work of art and Jensen couldn’t get enough of looking at him.

He was caught off guard when Jared took his hand and guided it between his legs, to touch the place where two of his fingers were now disappearing inside him. He touched the stretched out rim experimentally running his fingers around it and pressing up on the taut tissue of Jared’s taint. His other hand came down to play with Jared’s balls and that was the moment Jared started begging.

“Oh, god! Jen, please! Please put your fingers inside, I want to feel you so bad.”

Jensen took his hand back but Jared’s whine of protest quickly died down, replaced by an impatient thrust of his hips when Jensen opened the bottle of lube and liberally coated his fingers. He brought them back between Jared’s wide spread knees and slowly pushed two inside his ass, beside his own. It was tight and hot and perfect, the way Jared was squeezing and releasing around their joined four fingers, the way he was moaning loud and writhing on top of him and Jensen thought he was gonna die a blissful death the moment his dick would push into that clutching heat.

Jared apparently thought that moment couldn’t come any sooner because he reared up and the fingers escaped the tight grip of his asshole. Next thing Jensen knew, Jared was coating his dick with lube and lining it up at his hole. He searched blindly on the comforter they hadn’t bothered to pull from the bed and his hand came up holding the condom Jared had dropped there earlier.

“Do you trust me?” Jared asked and his expression was dead serious.

Jensen could only nod and the next moment all the air left his lungs as tight heat enveloped him. Jared was sinking down on his bare cock slowly, whispering “You. Just you. I wanna feel you so bad.” not stopping until Jensen was fully sheathed inside him and Jensen closed his eyes and struggled to think of starving children in Africa or he was gonna come on the spot. He was trying to get control back over his breathing but it was no small feat as Jared’s hole fluttered around him, trying to adjust to his girth.

He opened his eyes when he felt Jared’s thumb dragging over his lower lip in an attempt to release it from the tight clasp of his teeth. Jared caressed it slowly, as if he’s apologizing for the torture it had suffered and then he bent down to suck it into his mouth. Jensen’s cock moved inside him and they both gasped in unison.

Jensen placed his hands on Jared’s hips and thrust up slowly, his tongue fucking into Jared’s mouth at the same time. Jared’s groan was all the permission he needed and he started up a slow but steady rhythm, guiding him up and down on his cock. He swallowed up every one of Jared’s moans as all his senses were focused on the place where they were joined together. It was all gonna be over embarrassingly soon, Jensen could tell by the pressure gathering up low in his belly and the tingling at the base of his spine. He wanted to tell Jared, apologize maybe, but apparently Jared was much more in tune with everything Jensen was feeling then he had realized.

He strengthened above him then bent backwards and braced his hands on Jensen’s knees for leverage before starting to ride him like his life depended on it. Jensen watched hypnotized at the place where his cock was moving in and out of Jared’s pink hole and he tried to meet his thrusts but Jared’s weight in this position was pinning him to the mattress so all he could do was watch and let Jared take all he wanted from him. He knew he hit the right spot when Jared keened loudly and his rhythm started to falter. Jensen went for Jared’s cock which was bouncing up and down in time with his movements, flushed crimson and slapping his belly, leaving wet trails behind but Jared stopped him in a strangled voice: “No. Just you. Just like this.” and that was Jensen’s undoing.

He grabbed Jared’s hips pulled him forward, making him brace his palms on Jensen’s chest and started thrusting at a punishing pace, making sure to hit Jared’s sweet spot on every push.. His balls drew up and he spurred Jared on: “Come on, Jay, that’s it. Come for me, babe!”

It happened at the same time, Jensen could feel Jared’s walls clamping in on his dick in quick tight spasms as Jared cried out and his cock spurted thick white ropes of come that coated both their stomachs. Jensen jerked one more time and then stopped, moaning low in his throat and coating Jared’s insides with his hot release.

He caught Jared as his arms gave out and he slumped against his chest, holding him close and running his hands down the long expanse of his back covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He placed a kiss on the top of his head and Jared turned his face up to nibble gently at Jensen’s lips. They kissed languidly for a while, Jensen’s fingers running through Jared’s hair and Jared almost purring like a big lazy cat.

When their breathing finally came back to normal and their lips were tingling, Jared rested his chin on Jensen’s chest and looked him in the eye.

“You know, there are a lot of things I was game for that you never asked,” he said and a small smile was tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Like what?” Jensen raised an eyebrow.

“Like… eating ants… insulting the unemployed… loving you like crazy.”

Jensen chuckled and kissed the tip of Jared’s nose. Jared settled with his head on Jensen’s chest and Jensen could feel him smiling wide. He knew they should probably get cleaned up and get under the comforter but the warm weight of Jared in his arms was not something he wanted to give up soon if ever. So, to hell with the rest.

 

The End


End file.
